It’s 3 A.M. I spent the day on the phone with U.S. customs, factories in China, Fedex, a freight forwarder, Amazon, customers, and seemingly a million other people.
And now I’m back here. This lovely little home for me, that over the course of several years completely transformed my life, taking me places I’d never imagined possible.
It’s been four months since I’ve last posted. People have emailed me asking if I had quit blogging altogether, or if I had disappeared off the face off the Earth.
But the truth is, I’m still alive, and I’m still working. I’ve just been doing something different.
Let’s Talk About Values
Why do you do what you do?
Some people chose their job because the pay is good.
Others chose their job because they felt it was the right thing to do. Were you one of the ones that was expected to be a doctor or lawyer when you grew up? Many people were.
Perhaps the happiest group are the people that choose their jobs because it aligns with what they truly care about. This has always been the route I’ve taken, and in order for me to feel the most satisfied with the state of my life, I think this needs to continue.
When I started Help Start My Site, I cared a lot about making money. It’s not glorious, it doesn’t sound nice, but it’s true. I grew up in a very poor household, so I had the false belief that having a bunch of money would magically solve all of life’s problems. Don’t make the same assumption I did – it certainly doesn’t work that way.
Even more important, I wanted to help other people out of the same financial situation I was in growing up. I’ve seen the effects having no money has firsthand, for many years. It’s not pretty. On top of that, I know true entrepreneurs won’t ever be satisfied until they get to fulfill that side of them, so it was a win/win for me.
Then all of a sudden, my values completely shifted.
Last year, the single most important series of events of my life so far began to take place. I had grown extremely close and formed a parental-like bond to this girl named Jordan. Long-time readers will have heard a lot about her by now. I have never cared about anything or anyone as much as I did her, and I never knew it was possible to feel so much love. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I constantly wonder if I will ever have the opportunity to experience it again.
My god, I remember the feeling. It was this period of my life where everything was perfect. For the first time ever, I felt like everything was right in the world – and that means a lot coming from somebody who is constantly trying to change things. I had nothing at all to worry about, and I didn’t want anything to be different. Pure, perpetual happiness and contentment.
But I also remember crying constantly when I had to leave for even a while, and writing emotional letters in the middle of the night to my mother that were longer than most of the blog posts I’ve published here. I remember getting in heated arguments because Jordan and I “were getting too close” (whatever the heck that means, keep in mind she’s never had parents) and feeling a bit down whenever she had to leave for school in the mornings. Maybe somehow I knew that I would never be able to keep her.
Before I had the chance to adopt her, she was taken away from me. Not by the government, or by the police, but by my own family.
Now let me tell you, I’m okay with losing all of my family, although that’s still extremely hard on its own. I wasn’t okay with losing Jordan.
It’s been rough. And I mean really rough. Like, running down the street screaming in psychosis, take-enough-sleeping-pills-to-kill-most-people-just-so-i-could-go-to-bed kind of rough. I seriously think it’s a miracle that I’m still alive.
I started going through this while I was still posting here regularly. I’ve (thankfully) gotten better, and despite still feeling immense pain every day, I knew I couldn’t commit to Help Start My Site the same way I used to.
Because my values have completely changed.
My New Company
I wanted more than anything to get Jordan back.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. But no acceptance. I’ve been going through the first 4 stages of grief several times daily since this happened.
I knew that in a heartbeat I would give up every single cent, sell all of my businesses, work 2 full-time jobs and go into debt several lifetimes just to be able to say good morning and good night again. I still would. But I will never have that option.
The sad reality is that I’m not the first person to go through this, and I certainly won’t be the last. But knowing how I feel about this, I had to begin doing work that could help other people going through the same thing. It would be the only thing that would give me back the sense of purpose that had been lost.
It won’t heal me. I still feel broken. But it does help me feel a little better at times, and it gives me a reason to get out of bed.
This is why the new company I’ve started is in the childcare market. And I’ve got to say, it’s going really well. A rapidly expanding product line that has the best products in their class, 3 amazingly valuable blog posts published every week (man, it feels weird not writing them myself!) and rapid growth in every area of the business.
But more importantly, this company is bringing families together by solving little problems that they experience. Maybe I won’t be able to prevent anybody from losing their child, but we can still help bring them closer together. And that means so much to me.
We’re also donating a percentage of our profits to a variety of children’s charities, so the fulfillment from knowing you’re making a real, impactful difference in people’s lives drives me to work insanely hard on building this up.
Although I did grow up poor, I never really felt too upset about it because I had a close and loving family. It wasn’t until I gained and lost did I realize what truly mattered to me.
This is where my heart is, and this is now my purpose.
Help Start My Site – Your No-Nonsense Guide To Blogging!
I always said that when it finally came for me to retire, I would never disappear from the internet completely – I’d simply transition from business blogger to hobby blogger.
That’s exactly what I’m doing, and I still have a lot to say.
I’m still very involved with the business world – just in different areas. Now I get to worry about things like hiring, logistics, manufacturing, and all that fun stuff. But a lot of the same principles apply – marketing, building an audience, monetization, etc.
Although I don’t see myself returning to posting once a week any time soon, I hope to continue publishing on here at least once a month. I will also continue updating and supporting all of the products I’ve released, as I have been for the past 4 months I’ve been ‘gone.’
So yes, there are changes, but it’s certainly not over.
I also may not write my posts to sound so ‘business-y’ as I have previously. Being able to express the true side of myself, my thoughts, opinions, values and so on has always been very important to me. Connecting with others and sharing these things has been one of my favorite parts about blogging.
I guess we’ll see how things play out.
Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know that I’m still here and I’m not planning on going anywhere.
And for those who wanted to know the name of the company… I’m not going to reveal it yet. Although I think anyone would be foolish to try and compete with me, by the time I reveal it on here, you’ll have already heard of it anyway.
If you’re not doing work that aligns with your values, it’s time for you to change things up. Because when what you’re working towards aligns with what you truly care about, nothing will be able to stop you from achieving it.
~ James McAllister