You Can’t Please Everybody, So Be Yourself (And Quit Sucking Up!)

I had the pleasure of taking to the microphone to scream, swear, and rant at a particular group of people last week.

I had gotten an email from a product creator wanting me to promote his product on my blog. I went on over to his site, and his sales page immediately screamed, “Scam!”

Having been a victim of bad advice and scams before, I did not take this lightly and made the product creator well aware of the effect this has on people. Of course, he didn’t care.

Warning: contains profanity. If profanity bugs you, don’t watch or continue reading this article.

Afterwards I got another email from the guy stating that he was glad he didn’t “do business with me” because I was “very unprofessional.”

Really, a scammer telling me about professionalism? LOL. 🙂

However, this experience taught me a very important lesson: You will not click with everybody, so do not try to. Just be yourself, and attract the people that like you.

You are unique.

You aren’t the special snowflake your family and friends said you were, but you are unique.

You have faults. Imperfections. But there are traits hardwired into you that can prove invaluable if you utilize them effectively.

Before we go further, it’s important to really understand this: no matter how great you think you are, there will be people that will not like you.

Likewise, no matter how bad you think you are, there will be people that connect with you.

Your goal as a marketer  is to get in front of the people that will connect with you and do not waste your time trying to impress the people that will not.

The Solution To All Of Your Problems

The answer is to just be yourself. The people that don’t connect with you will leave on their own, and the people that like you will stay. It is literally the easiest thing you can do to attract a favorable audience.

…Certainly easier than upholding any predefined ‘image’ you’ve created for yourself.

You can not forever pretend to be someone that you are not. You will eventually slip through, and shatter whatever image of yourself that you’ve created. It is inevitable.

It’s hard. I know it is, because we are psychologically driven to mimic those who inspire us, those who are successful, even if it’s just on a subconscious level.

But you are not those people. You are you.

Become In Touch With Yourself

You know that you’re supposed to be ‘be yourself’, but it’s hard to be yourself when you do not know who you really are.

As the world becomes more and more absorbed by media, the internet, and technology, we lose touch with our inner selves. We become shaped and molded by the content we view into someone different. We let people tell us who we are and what we believe in. Yet most of us don’t realize it.

I am very in touch with myself because I make a conscious effort not to let others influence me more than I believe they should. I reflect and learn about myself through meditation every day.

Why not find out who you are? Assess yourself. Ask yourself honestly, who are you? What is your personality like? What are your core values? What are your positive and negative traits? How can you take advantage of your positive traits, and make the best of your negative ones?

Knowing yourself comes with huge advantages.

Brand Yourself

students

 

When you discover who you are, you award yourself an incredible branding opportunity.

If you took the time to read over this silly debate about worthless college degrees (which ended up being like 50 comments long), you’ll notice that I am a realist.

I deliver the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I do not tell people what they want to hear, I tell them what is factual.

This makes certain people angry, because people love being told what they want to hear. Most people care more for immediate gratification than consequence, whether they realize it or not. So I’m seen as rude because our goals do not align.

However, another group of people (other realists) fall completely in love with me because I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. I have received numerous praises for being real and honest, and the people that stick with me become incredibly devoted.

I get angry. I swear. I’ll hurt your feelings, and I am one of very few bloggers that do so. Again, I am just being myself, and if you don’t like it you can leave.

This is how I brand myself, and it’s incredibly effective, and incredibly easy. I am just me.

Ask yourself, what makes you unique, and how can you bring this out to your readers? How can you brand yourself just by being you? Figure it out, and do it. Do not change for anyone.

Which brings me to another important point…

Quit Sucking Up

When I see bloggers or marketers sucking up to someone else, I cringe.

I understand that you want to make friends in high places, but it’s not worth doing if it comes with the expense of changing yourself to please someone else.

If you act differently and suck up to please somebody, they have not become friends with you. They’ve become friends with the image of you that you’ve portrayed to them, and that’s not cool.

If you want to suck up, get a corporate job where your value isn’t determined by how great you are, but how obedient you can be to your employer.

Hell, most of us avoid the corporate world so we can free ourselves and avoid that kind of mind-numbing stupidity. So why take it with you to the marketing world?

Utilize the traits you already have to make yourself likable. Don’t try to change who you are to please someone else. You simply can’t do it.

Conclusion

Be yourself and brand yourself. You’ll grant yourself an incredible amount of freedom and end up making more money as a result.

So let me ask you, who are you and how are you branding yourself? If you’ve got any tips you’d like to share, leave a comment and help us all out!

LEARN HOW TO TRIPLE YOUR WEBSITE TRAFFIC IN 7 DAYS!

About James McAllister

James is the owner of Help Start My Site. He started his first blog at the age of 11, and has since gone on to start several successful businesses. Here on HelpStartMySite.com, he shares his knowledge that brought him to where he is today. If you want to connect with James, like him on Facebook .

Comments

  1. James, this is an incredible post man. It picks my brain back to when I got into blogging and starting reading Adriennesmith.net

    One of the things I got from her knowledge is to be myself. That alone changed me a lot. That’s the real meaning of branding. Trying to me like someone else will only lead to a crash.

    Everyone has a unique identity and at any one point, your are hated and loved. Like you put it, you must be able to identify those who are attracted by your uniqueness and hook up with them rather than trying to impress the haters.

    Degrees are a means to an end and what’s their worth if they fetch you misery? Even when you have a job, you are compelled to some obedience because of the end of month paycheck . How I wish our societies are well structured to recognize and respect our person rather than achievements.

    Are you really a scammer? Good enough you didn’t run after the money to present us to scam. That alone would have been a serious blow to your face 😉

    Thanks for the mention in the audio. I was on it earlier on Youtube but couldn’t react due to power failure. The powers that be are messing things up here 😉

    Nice post man! Hope you are having a wonderful week

      (Quote)
    Enstine Muki recently posted…Exceptional Keyword research tips to help increase Affiliate Sales!My Profile

    • Hi Enstine!

      Appreciate your kind words and comment. It’s very hard to pretend to be someone you’re not. The niche site I’m working on is operating under a female pen name and keeping up that persona is proving to be rather difficult. Fortunately I as the blogger am not a big focus point on that site, but sometimes I forget when I’m writing emails that I have to act like someone else.

      I do think degrees can be useful, but only the right degrees. Many of them no longer provide a return on investment, which is why my country has over 1 trillion dollars in student loan debt. But you’re right – even if they DO end up resulting in a good job, employers only care about your obedience and it’s really sad.

      I’m not a scammer, but I have been scammed before by others. Sorry for the confusion haha. 😀

      You have a good one too Enstine, see you over on your site soon!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…25 Guaranteed Ways To Increase Your Email Opt-InsMy Profile

  2. I love how you just go for the gut and tell it like it is! Sometimes doing the opposite of sucking up works better experts seem to respond better when your truthful with them . Even if your a little rough around the edges at least they will respect your honesty.

      (Quote)
    marty recently posted…Marty Presents “Ask Marty Anything” and MoreMy Profile

    • Hey Marty, good to meet you!

      To be honest, I just tell people what I would want to be told. I’d rather be told the harsh truth right from the beginning than find it out on my own a few years down the road, you know?

      I wasted two years on websites with no potential because I believed the lies that were being fed to me. Now that I’m in the ‘teacher’ position with this site, I don’t want other people to go through the same thing I did.

      I’m honest, but that’s why people see real results when they stick with me, which is great!

      Thanks Marty for visiting and leaving a comment, hope to see you again soon!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…How To Quit Your Job To Blog Full Time (It’s Easier Than You Think!)My Profile

  3. Hi James,

    Hahahaha…
    I laughed out loud when reading your article. Mostly, it also happened to me as well. I understand your feelings. 😀

    At first, I understand your condition because I also was in the same condition (quit college). Now, I understand how you feel because I also experienced the same thing.

    I know the reality about college and what is hidden behind it. But, when I told them, they were angry at me. But, there are some people who agree with me, it’s just that they do not have THE COURAGE to do the same with what I do. 🙂

    Thank you for this post, James.
    I hope, you write some other articles about this. For me, it’s quite useful. 😉

    Regards,
    Nanda

      (Quote)
    Nanda Rahmanius recently posted…How To Make Your Network Marketing Efforts SucceedMy Profile

    • Hey Nanda! Good to see you again.

      Isn’t it funny how they get angry at you? People just can not handle the truth it seems. Sadly, they’ll realize we were right a few years from now after they owe a ton of money and have spent 4 years of their life going through more schooling.

      I’m sure I’ll write more articles on the topic later on. I actually talk a lot about college in the new book I’m releasing next month as well. I think it’s going to change a lot of people’s minds, I think its my best work yet. 🙂

      Thanks for commenting and sharing Nanda, I appreciate it!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…Are You Updating Your Old Blog Posts?My Profile

  4. Nice rant James! I could really relate to your story and I enjoyed the honesty of how you put it across, sure some people might be a bit upset by it, but I found it refreshing to hear it as it is.
    I am quite a bit older than you, so have had more experience of being “sold” that old pack of B.S., only to find there is zero support or help and you are left high and dry. I figured eventually that it was all part of the learning curve (although a bit expensive) and kept searching. I wish I had come across someone like you a long time ago, anyway I eventually did find someone to work with and am looking forward to a taste of building a real business.
    Thanks for a great post,
    Brian B

      (Quote)
    Brian Butler recently posted…Think small – to grow BIG.My Profile

    • Hey Brian!

      It’s sad, isn’t it? People will put people through anything to make a buck, building them up on false hope and like you said, offer zero support once they have your money. Some of these scammers do such a good job at it, they are able to convince the buyer that it’s THEIR fault they aren’t making money. It sickens me.

      The way I see it, it’s far more effective to smack people in the face with reality right from the get-go than to let people figure it out on their own. That just wastes their time and money. Like you said, some people will get upset from it and if they leave, but that’s their problem. They were never going to succeed anyway. The best entrepreneurs are the ones with a firm grasp on reality, and do not get blinded by emotions because business does not work that way. You understand this, so I know you’re going to do a lot better than most others because its so important.

      I’d also like to thank you for buying my book. I didn’t announce it here but I’m writing another one at the moment which will be 3x as long and focuses more on the business back-end of things, while also covering other important life issues for entrepreneurs including personal finance, investing, protecting yourself legally etc. Not to throw a promo right away, but when the book is published I’ll be sending you a massive coupon as a thank you gift.

      Finally if there’s ever anything I can help you with, you can email me at any time. I’ll answer all of your questions to the best of my ability.

      Thanks again Brian, looking forward to getting to know you better!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…How To Quit Your Job To Blog Full Time (It’s Easier Than You Think!)My Profile

  5. Hi James

    You are right if we get upset by silliness of others we can’t move ahead into the right direction.

    Listen to everybody’s advice but follow the one that is coming from your heart and mind. This is called be yourself as you suggested in this very lovely post.

    Once a man was going somewhere with his son and a dokey. They were on their way and people said what a stupid man that despite having a donkey moving on feet. He rode on the donkey and then people said how crule he was that instead of riding his son himself sitting on donkey. He asked his son to be with him and then people again pointed finger at his cruelty of burdening the donkey.

    The moral of the story is if you follow others advice you will never be doing right and just trying everyone’s advice. So be yourself and be successful.

    Thanks a lot for sharing James.

    Hope you are enjoying your Sunday.

      (Quote)
    Mi Muba recently posted…10 juicy styles for solution selling at your blogMy Profile

    • Hey Mi Muba, good to see you again!

      I remember hearing that story before and it’s very true. No matter what you do, you won’t please everybody and it’s a waste of time to try. Its good to gain knowledge from others but in the end you have to decide what you believe in and go with that. It can be hard to accept that some people won’t like you, but I think it’s best to forget about those people and focus on the ones that matter, right?

      Thanks Mi Muba!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…How To Tackle Competitive Blogging NichesMy Profile

  6. Hey James,

    Oh man, I’ve been through so many scam offers back in my affiliate days it’s crazy.

    Anyway, Engineering graduate here! *raises hand*
    I wasted 5 years of my life. Today I still feel like I could’ve done a lot of better things when I just dropped out OR just started business right after high school since I was already doing it when I was still in school.

    Good rant, it’s great to be able to let it out sometimes. It’s why Im also considering doing a podcast because I dont want to write about my rants LOL!!

      (Quote)
    Dennis Seymour recently posted…Get More Customers by Following a Digital Marketing PlanMy Profile

    • Hey Dennis! Long time no see.

      At least the degree you got actually has value! It amazes me how many people are borrowing other people’s money for worthless degrees that result in the same minimum wage jobs that anyone else can get.

      I feel some people are better suited to become entrepreneurs, regardless of how much money we can make as employees. I’m glad you were able to start a business while you were young – I’m working with many people right now who are 50+ years old and are just deciding the office lifestyle isn’t what they wanted. I suppose job security or even a hefty paycheck do not necessarily equate to happiness, huh?

      Podcasting is great. I’ve only done one test podcast for this site so far but I had a lot of fun with it and it’s something I’ll be looking to do more often. It took me a while to become comfortable talking behind the mic but before too long it felt completely natural. Let me know if you end up going through with it, I’d love to tune in!

      Hope to see you again soon Dennis!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…How To Quit Your Job To Blog Full Time (It’s Easier Than You Think!)My Profile

  7. Hey James.

    Really interesting article. And although I haven’t always been like you, one of my new years resolution was to tell it like it is. I especially like this line:

    “When I see bloggers or marketers sucking up to someone else, I cringe.
    I understand that you want to make friends in high places, but it’s not worth doing if it comes with the expense of changing yourself to please someone else.”

    Absolutely. I recently touched on what I term as ‘Brown Nosed Bloggers’ in a post I wrote about having too many links in one post. I have followed certain bloggers who I now no longer follow – because they decided that they had to change who they were to please someone else – and that someone else was always higher up the chain, and someone who they were trying to get the attention of in the hope that the person would shortcut them to success.

    It seems all the rage these days. Even Matthew Woodward posted something recently about how to get influencers/authority bloggers to notice you, and then in turn promote you. I commented that it was a false strategy and that it would not work for 99.9% of people.

    Your message here is something i resonate with and something from my own heart – be yourself, don’t suck up and go your own unique way.

    Cheers James.

      (Quote)
    Richard Martin recently posted…A Link Too Far. How Many Links Should You Have In Your Blog Post?My Profile

    • Hey Richard!

      I’m so glad to hear that you share the same mentality as me. I’m definitely going to have to check out your post because I’d love to hear further insight from you on the subject as well.

      I am big on networking, but one thing I do NOT do is suck up. If people don’t like me, they’re dead to me. I’m not going to bother wasting my time trying to please them when I could instead be focusing that time on meeting someone else who WILL click with me, you know? That just doesn’t make any sense.

      I always like to be in a position where people need me more than I need them, and I put myself in that position by never being afraid to walk away. No, I’m not going to link to you 10x a post or do work for you for free, I expect something in return and if you don’t like it I’ll go network with something else.

      I feel many of these bigger bloggers know when people are sucking up to them and use them for their own benefit. The relationship ends up benefiting the bigger blogger more than the one doing the sucking up. That’s what I’ve seen anyway.

      Thanks for the awesome comment Richard. See you over on your site soon!

        (Quote)
      James McAllister recently posted…Is Passive Income From Blogging Actually Possible?My Profile

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